You are your best Christmas gift to yourself!
One of the most significant tenets I teach, is that everything that comes TO you comes FROM you. If you are lonely, sad, desperate, then that is what is going to come back to you. If you are solid, relaxed, welcoming, and happy, then that is also what you will attract and invite into your life.
It is a CHOICE that you make.
Understanding this concept can be difficult (I know it was for me) especially around the holidays. This is the time for family, friends, and loved ones to be by your side and wishing you all the joyous happiness of the season.
But what if you are not fortunate enough to have all of these people at you side? What if you are intolerably and terribly ALONE?!? What then?
Being single around the holidays can be off putting to say the least. It can be downright depressing and thoughts of despair can take over. You wonder if this is to be your future. Crying in a corner surrounded by empty Schnapps bottles (a truly poor choice) watching ridiculous reality shows until you simply shrivel up and die.
Is that what you want? I believe the answer to that is a resounding “NO!”
I have been in this predicament my friend. I was alone for many a holiday season after a terrible divorce that left me shriveled and sad. It took me awhile to come to grips with what it all meant. Once I figured out that wallowing in self pity wasn’t attracting me the women I wanted into my life, I decided to try something else.
I set out to fix ME! I decided was time to find out what I was doing wrong and turn it around. To become the best MAN I could be and conquer this loneliness specter once and for all.
I read books, I watched films, I took classes and trained in various forms of self help and mind expanding therapies. I studied the dating gurus, and positive thinkers of all stripes. If it sounded weird and woo woo, I would still give it a shot. I was truly OPEN to anything that would make me feel better.
After all my searching and study, I discovered one very important thing. I had all the tools I needed to become a strong and confident MAN within me. I just hadn’t known how to use them.
(Note: I write this directed mainly towards men as that is my primary audience, but the principals are universal and will work for you regardless of your orientation.)
Once you stop being a victim of the world and DECIDE you are now in control of your destiny and happiness, you will find a serenity that you have not known before. You will absolutely know that everything will be alright, regardless of outcomes.
By this I mean that, the world will throw shit at you from all sides. That is just reality. It is up to you what will stick to you and what will bounce right off of you.
The more that bounces off of you, the happier you will be.
Prime example. You are alone for the Christmas season. Going to a friend’s house just doesn’t seem appealing to you right now. It is a reminder of what you once had and maybe it is too soon for you to get festive. It may be a very sad time and you don’t feel like verging on tears from loss the whole time. Not the most appealing yuletide facade. I have definitely been there.
Or you may not feel particularly sad and lonely. Maybe you are in a place that I can only call Numblandia. You don’t really feel anything really. I was there for quite awhile as well. It can be a perilous time.
Regardless of where you are on the emotional wheel of fortune, take comfort in knowing that YOU are in control. If you have to cry, cry. If you have to wail and moan, do it in a pillow. Trust me, neighbors will call the cops…
But once that emotional release is over. Get to work on an actual plan to change your life for the better. Don’t wait for a New Year’s resolution. That shit never works. Seriously, which one have you ever stuck with?
No, make a real commitment to YOU. Remember the prophetic words of Queen – “I want it all, I want it now!”
This year give yourself the gift of learning how to use your innate tools to grow a better YOU!
Start by treating yourself well this year. Take yourself out for Christmas. Go to a restaurant you have always wanted to try. Sit at the bar for a Happy Hour and enjoy yourself. Chat up new people from a different perspective. Refuse to talk about sad things. Toast to the new you. Just be sure to Uber home.
Or stay at home and cook up your very own holiday bird or a big fat juicy steak! Whatever makes you feel that you are celebrating. Because you are! You have made a decision to stop being sad.
Will it happen immediately? Probably not. But it will lessen as you make the decision to stop being sad and lonely. It is like a muscle you are learning to use again after much atrophy.
I remember a huge catalyst in my recovery was taking a road trip up the Pacific Coast Highway from L.A. up to Portland. It was just me. I slept in my car and woke to walk the beaches all along the way. I was not just alone, I was UTTERLY alone. No wifi, no smart phone, just me and the world.
What I learned was that you can be alone but not lonely. When you are open to the world and can actually take the time to see all the beauty that surrounds you, a different perspective comes to mind. You see that your hurt, your loneliness all comes from inside you.
The more you succumb to the pain of solitude the more it will intensify. But the more you see that the world is a friendly loving place, the more you will be okay with whatever supposed pain comes your way.
In the holiday rough patch that so many people can fall prey to, do something different for yourself. Be extraordinary. Be open to possibilities.
Treat yourself the way you would treat a loved one. Because you are loved. You deserve to be loved. By YOU. If you do not love yourself, then who will love you?
Remember, everything that comes TO you comes FROM you. Love yourself and others will to.
This year give yourself the gift of a brand new open and expanding YOU! One that is welcoming, not afraid of solitude and a chance to improve. Celebrate all that you have achieved so far and the promise and possibility of all that you have to offer to the world. So that when a woman finds you, you will be ready for her.
Because, believe me, when you have done the work, have made yourself ready, and SHE comes into your life, it can be one wonderfully awesome and crazy whirlwind of happy!
I am living proof.
Be your gift to you this year. Change your life to one of abundance and happiness, light and laughter. Because there is so much you miss when you are looking down.