This Year Give The Gift Of You!

You are your best Christmas gift to yourself!

One of the most significant tenets I teach, is that everything that comes TO you comes FROM you. If you are lonely, sad, desperate, then that is what is going to come back to you. If you are solid, relaxed, welcoming, woman-relaxing-chair-front-christmas-tree-28045680and happy, then that is also what you will attract and invite into your life.

It is a CHOICE that you make.

Understanding this concept can be difficult (I know it was for me) especially around the holidays. This is the time for family, friends, and loved ones to be by your side and wishing you all the joyous happiness of the season.

But what if you are not fortunate enough to have all of these people at you side? What if you are intolerably and terribly ALONE?!? What then?

Being single around the holidays can be off putting to say the least. It can be downright depressing and thoughts of despair can take over. You wonder if this is to be your future. Crying in a corner surrounded by empty Schnapps bottles (a truly poor choice) watching ridiculous reality shows until you simply shrivel up and die.

Is that what you want? I believe the answer to that is a resounding “NO!”

I have been in this predicament my friend. I was alone for many a holiday season after a terrible divorce that left me shriveled and sad. It took me awhile to come to grips with what it all meant. Once I figured out that wallowing in self pity wasn’t attracting me the women I wanted into my life, I decided to try something else.

I set out to fix ME! I decided was time to find out what I was doing wrong and turn it around. To become the best MAN I could be and conquer this loneliness specter once and for all.

I read books, I watched films, I took classes and trained in various forms of self help and mind expanding therapies. I studied the dating gurus, and positive thinkers of all stripes. If it sounded weird and woo woo, I would still give it a shot. I was truly OPEN to anything that would make me feel better.

After all my searching and study, I discovered one very important thing. I had all the tools I needed to become a strong and confident MAN within me. I just hadn’t known how to use them.

(Note: I write this directed mainly towards men as that is my primary audience, but the principals are universal and will work for you regardless of your orientation.)

Once you stop being a victim of the world and DECIDE you are now in control of your destiny and happiness, you will find a serenity that you have not known before. You will absolutely know that everything will be alright, regardless of outcomes.

By this I mean that, the world will throw shit at you from all sides. That is just reality. It is up to you what will stick to you and what will bounce right off of you.

The more that bounces off of you, the happier you will be.

Prime example. You are alone for the Christmas season. Going to a friend’s house just doesn’t seem appealing to you right now. It is a reminder of what you once had and maybe it is too soon for you to get festive. It may be a very sad time and you don’t feel like verging on tears from loss the whole time. Not the most appealing yuletide facade. I have definitely been there.

Or you may not feel particularly sad and lonely. Maybe you are in a place that I can only call Numblandia. You don’t really feel anything really. I was there for quite awhile as well. It can be a perilous time.

Regardless of where you are on the emotional wheel of fortune, take comfort in knowing that YOU are in control. If you have to cry, cry. If you have to wail and moan, do it in a pillow. Trust me, neighbors will call the cops…

But once that emotional release is over. Get to work on an actual plan to change your life for the better. Don’t wait for a New Year’s resolution. That shit never works. Seriously, which one have you ever stuck with?

No, make a real commitment to YOU. Remember the prophetic words of Queen – “I want it all, I want it now!”

This year give yourself the gift of learning how to use your innate tools to grow a better YOU!

Start by treating yourself well this year. Take yourself out for Christmas. Go to a restaurant you have always wanted to try. Sit at the bar for a Happy Hour and enjoy yourself. Chat up new people from a different perspective. Refuse to talk about sad things. Toast to the new you. Ju10-ways-for-mum-to-relax-at-christmasst be sure to Uber home.

Or stay at home and cook up your very own holiday bird or a big fat juicy steak! Whatever makes you feel that you are celebrating. Because you are! You have made a decision to stop being sad.

Will it happen immediately? Probably not. But it will lessen as you make the decision to stop being sad and lonely. It is like a muscle you are learning to use again after much atrophy.

I remember a huge catalyst in my recovery was taking a road trip up the Pacific Coast Highway from L.A. up to Portland. It was just me. I slept in my car and woke to walk the beaches all along the way. I was not just alone, I was UTTERLY alone. No wifi, no smart phone, just me and the world.

What I learned was that you can be alone but not lonely. When you are open to the world and can actually take the time to see all the beauty that surrounds you, a different perspective comes to mind. You see that your hurt, your loneliness all comes from inside you.

The more you succumb to the pain of solitude the more it will intensify. But the more you see that the world is a friendly loving place, the more you will be okay with whatever supposed pain comes your way.

In the holiday rough patch that so many people can fall prey to, do something different for yourself. Be extraordinary. Be open to possibilities.

Treat yourself the way you would treat a loved one. Because you are loved. You deserve to be loved. By YOU. If you do not love yourself, then who will love you?

Remember, everything that comes TO you comes FROM you. Love yourself and others will to.

This year give yourself the gift of a brand new open and expanding YOU! One that is welcoming, not afraid of solitude and a chance to improve. Celebrate all that you have achieved so far and the promise and possibility of all that you have to offer to the world. So that when a woman finds you, you will be ready for her.

Because, believe me, when you have done the work, have made yourself ready, and SHE comes into your life, it can be one wonderfully awesome and crazy whirlwind of happy!

I am living proof.

Be your gift to you this year. Change your life to one of abundance and happiness, light and laughter. Because there is so much you miss when you are looking down.

9 Winter Date Ideas

Our top date ideas for the Christmas and Winter Season in London.

Winter dates seem to have a bit of magic in the air, maybe it’s the fact that Christmas is around the corner and everyone wants to be loved up and buy a present for someone special or maybe the cold nights bring more cuddling up.  Whatever the reason it’s a great time to get out and go on some great dates and make the most of the season.

  1. We love, love, love, Winter Wonderland in the heart of Hyde Park as one of our favourite date destinations for the last 10 years. As this is their 10th Anniversary we are sure there will be extra special things on offer too. This is not only a very romantic setting, but has events and attractions for everyone to enjoy and suits all tastes. There are attractions, fairground rides, amazing shows and also great places to eat and drink. We love the fact that they even have a date itinerary planned out, see here for more details: http://hydeparkwinterwonderland.com/itinerary/a-romantic-date/#WzEb51TRd40HTUFH.97. Open from 10am until 10pm every day from the 18th November until the 2nd January. It is advisable to book online at www.hydeparkwinterwonderland.com
  2. Ice Skating Somerset House is a very romantic thing to do and what a backdrop to get all romantic too! Book early to avoid disappointment. We love the fact that you can skate during the day or night here and you couldn’t have a better location with great food and drink on offer this is a great date choice. www.somersethouse.org.uk/whats-on/skate-somerset-house
  3. River Cruises or Meals by the Thames. BRRRRRRR we know it’s cold and we know you think we must be mad suggesting this but we have had events on the River in the winter and with all the lights it’s been magical. There are floating restaurants, bars and clubs that are on Thames that are stationary and some that depart at certain times every night and not only let you have great food, drink and ambiance but also let you see the sights.  You will never be short of conversation on this date and you can enjoy being tour guides!
  4. Southbank, there is always something going on along the Southbank! Great pop up food, fabulous free street entertainment and of course the attractions including the London Eye. Why not mooch around Borough Market and grab some great food or a drink in one of the trendy bars that surround this well-known market thanks to Bridget Jones. Great backdrop for a few festive selfies along the South Bank too!
  5. Little Feast is a street food festival in an English Garden themed setting in the heart of Shepherds Bush Market. Guests can enjoy the magic of Christmas outdoors with great street food and heated seats with blankets to cosy up together under the fairy lights. This venue is open from the 23rd November until the 23rd  Shepherds bush yard, www.wefeast.co.uk for more information.
  6. The Gardening Society’s Festive forest on the 5th floor of John Lewis in Oxford Street. Our old friends from Mac and Wild are offering guests private lodges and a fabulous dining experience as well as masterclasses taking place giving guests the opportunity to sample some fabulous fine Whisky. You can get cosy in a lodge or enjoy the main area. It is advisable to book early as this one we know will be a sell out with their award winning Veni-Moo Beef and Venison Burgers. To book contact info@macandwild.com
  7. Vauxhall Winter Village. One on our list to visit is this new venue in trendy Vauxhall. It is open from 10 November until mid-January from 11.30am until 10pm. This funky pop up has been created in the Ski lodge theme and even has a Cable car photo booth and fondue stands and fish and chips. This is one venue that won’t break the bank and has lots of things to see and do as well as eat and drink. You can even go as far and booking your own alpine cabin booths! There is a Winter Sports Bar, where you can watch the latest winter sports/ice hockey for those that wish to and a festive bandstand. One that is a must do this Christmas time on our list!
  8. Afternoon Tea has always been a favourite for dates and in the winter months the backdrop with a roaring fire makes it extra magical. Find a venue that suits your budget and afternoon tea doesn’t have to be expensive or you can go all out, dress up and treat someone to Tea at the Ritz, Savoy, Fortnum and Mason, Claridges or even the Dorchester. Our favourite venue for afternoon tea is Sketch in the West End. We do love our afternoon teas!
  9. SINGLE or have single friends you want to get hooked up. Look no further than the events that Elect Club run.  This year they have taken over the JUJU bar in trendy Chelsea on the Kings Road for the night of the 14th December for pre-Christmas cocktails, networking and dancing.  www.electclub.co.uk

The business of deliberately MANifesting your ideal mate

Don’t let the holidays bring you down. Use them, instead, to get down to business! What business is that, you ask? The business of deliberately MANifesting (or Womanifesting, if you prefer) your ideal mate.

First off, I should say that if wallowing in self-pity and a glass of brandy is your thing, I certainly don’t want to deprive you of it. But if you prefer to have a good time during the holidays, despite being single, and move closer to being happily hooked-up, then read on, my friend.

Remember when you were a kid and you had an “imaginary friend”?

Okay, so maybe you had an imaginary friend and maybe you didn’t, but I’m positive that you had an imagination. Have you used it much lately? Likely, no, you haven’t. That’s because we’re trained from a young age to stop doing that. We’re told it’s foolish and shameful and a waste of time, and that we must shift our attention to “reality.” Maybe that’s the point where your happiness tanked and you resigned yourself to being a “grown up” like all the rest.

Did you trade in your vivid imagination for “realism” and logic and all the stuff that society thinks is crucial? If so, you did yourself a grand disservice. Not to worry, though. You can jump-start your happiness and reconnect with your innocence and imagination any time you like.

Imagination is your latent superpower. It’s your manifesting fuel, the blueprint of your life experience. When allowed to run wild and free, it is your connection to your Higher Self (or… to the zero-point field of possibilities, or the universe, or god, or your fairy-elfin pals, or your subconscious mind. Choose your construct.) Your imaginative faculty links you to your inner guidance, and the part of you that’s bigger than just your human personality or ego.

In truth, you use your imagination all the time. But you probably use it to focus on stuff you don’t like and don’t want, and in doing so, you inadvertently create more of the same. I’m not picking on you, by the way. Everyone finds it challenging to commandeer their mind-power to yield pleasing results. No one ever said the Earth Game was easy. But you can do this. You’re a Spiritual Bad-Ass!

It comes down to this: if you want your outer world—including your love life—to change, then start employing your imagination in big, fun, festive ways. Give yourself permission to indulge… and tell that nagging “adult” voice to hit the road.

The holidays are prime fodder for you to imagine being with your ideal mate.

Are you having dinner with family or friends? Imagine your lover man (or woman) is sitting right there next to you, clinking glasses in the toast or passing the gravy. Imagine s/he is smiling, and imagine how your peeps are loving the presence of this person in your circle. Get juicy with the details. The key is to stick with whatever feels really good, and to disregard the pesky “realism.”

Is it Christmas that gets you down, as a single person? Imagine your wonderful mate is there with you by the fire, giving you delightful gifts, kissing you under the mistletoe, being naughty and nice, going skiing with you. Take whatever aspect of the holidays that causes you distress and sadness, and deliberately spin it into a brand-new experience in the privacy of your mind. Go on, do it! You’re going to really enjoy this.

What’s the use, you ask? Ah yes, that is the adult-programming talking. Besides being more fun than wallowing, the use is that if you persist in using your imagination in this conscious, exciting way, your imaginings WILL be translated into real-life physical counterparts. You are already a MANifesting machine. I’m only advocating that you use the machinery for good and not evil. 🙂

And what about New Year’s Eve? That’s a biggie. It used to really bum me out when I was single, especially when the clock struck midnight. That is… until I realized I was creating my own (miserable) reality. Once I took the helm of my mind and my imagination, I used New Year’s to call in the Man of My Dreams. And yes, it worked! I ended up meeting him a few weeks later in January, and we’ve been together for five years now.

Wanna hear how I MANifested my man that New Year’s Eve?

Leverage your holiday environment to reel in your mate quickly

I was really into swing dancing, so my ideal New Year’s Eve was a dancehall filled with hundreds of people decked out in vintage duds, and a swinging live band. Larger events tend to be easier when you’re single, compared to, say, holing up in a ski cabin with 3 happy couples. At a larger event, there’s more stimuli to use in your imagining, and more possibilities for you to work with, so choose your holiday events wisely. Prioritize your own happiness over feelings of obligation (I recommend this in all aspects of life).

Since the swing dance scene is very social and old-fashioned, everyone changes partners after each song. This allowed me to dance with various men, all the while imagining that I was dancing with MY sweetheart. I paid no attention to the “realistic” details of whether or not I liked any of these guys, or whether or not they were even single. All of that is irrelevant. What mattered was what I was feeling and imagining.

See, the universe is listening to your every vibration-emanation. It doesn’t discern between the stuff you are actually looking at in “real life” or the stuff you’re experiencing in your imagination. After a short time lag, it’s going to match you up with “real life” experiences that equate to your outgoing signals. That’s just the way life works, despite whatever the other well-meaning humans have led you to believe. Life is not happening TO you; your consciousness is impressing upon the formless substance of Life. You really are a powerful creator.

When you keep sending out the “I’m happily hooked up” vibes, it’s just a matter of time before you find yourself—literally—happily hooked up. In other words, Fake It ‘Til You Be Makin’ It!

Crank up the power of your imagination. There’s never been a better time than during the holidays, because it’s like a ready-made stage setting, complete with all the scenery, props, actors and extras you need to spark a rousing imaginary good time.

How I Met the Man of My DreamsBe creative with this! Did you see something lovely in a shop window? Imagine your mate gives you that same item as a holiday gift. Do you love certain holiday foods? Imagine your mate is expertly cooking them for you… or that you’re dining out in the best restaurant. This imagining should be deliriously fun, by the way—that’s how you know you’re on track.

The only thing stopping you from MANifesting your ideal lover is your cranky old mind. But it’s not really yours. It’s filled with ideas from your parents, teachers, other “grown-ups,” and society as a whole. Give yourself the ultimate holiday gift: permission to release mind-albatrosses and become like a kid once more!

Happy Imagining… and Happy MANifesting,

Debbianne